Relationship Advice: Mr. and Mrs. Bennet

Although Pride and Prejudice was written a long time ago and the times have changed there are many parallels that can be made between courtship in Austen’s time and dating in ours.

 
          One similarity between dating now and back then I will advise against is how fast paced the relationships were formed. In Pride and Prejudice relationships moved extremely fast because women especially had to be married at a very young age. You met at a ball and if you hit it off were very soon in a courtship, with marriage and children following soon after that. Mr. Collins for example proposed to Elizabeth after knowing her for less than a week. Nowadays people can be extremely impulsive as well when it comes to marriage. So I advise anyone to take things slowly, make sure you get to know your partner and ensure you will be compatible in the long run before jumping into anything serious. Even though Mrs. Bennet would be telling you to find the first man willing and never let him go, I suggest you Elizabeth’s lead and allow for a longer courtship in order to ensure a lifetime of happiness with the right partner.
 
         A major difference between Austen’s time and our time is available partners. Back then there were limited choices in marriage partners. The only people around were neighbors and others who were physically close by. Travel was limited so people had to choose from a limited supply of potential partners. This is completely different from today’s dating pool. With online dating, social media, and simply greater access to travel the dating pool has expanded from the neighborhood to world wide. If you do not find a match in your current location you can move to a new city, town, state, or country and try again. So my advice is to take advantage of this opportunity and to utilize it in order to find your perfect match. Do not let the boarders of your town keep you from finding your true love.
 

-Moriah Alten Flagg

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet

         Mr. and Mrs. Bennet have a very successful relationship in the novel Pride and Prejudice. They are portrayed as part of a rather average family, consisting of a mother, father, and five daughters. The Bennets relationship is casual and playful which is reflected by a similar playful and casual tone. In the beginning of the book Mrs. Bennet is desperately trying to convince Mr. Bennet to introduce the family to Mr. Bingley. Although Mr. Bennet had already acquainted himself with Mr. Bingley, he playfully refused to get a fuss out of Mrs. Bennet. He says, “You and the girls may go, or you may send them by themselves…it is more than I engage for, I assure you.” Mrs. Bennet immediately reacts with, “You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.” Even though Mr. Bennet enjoys toying with his wife and daughters he cares dearly for them and did whatever he could to ensure their happiness. He knew that after playing with his family they would be even happier to hear the news about Mr. Bingley, “the astonishment of the ladies was just what he wished-that of Mrs. Bennet perhaps surpassing the rest.” Austen’s use of a causal and playful tone and diction allows the Bennet’s relationship to be portrayed as such.

           The Bennet’s relationship is very strong. They love each other and do everything they can to provide for each other and their family. Austen used situational irony to throw a curve ball at the Bennet’s relationship. There relationship went through stress as Mrs. Bennet began having children because their estate was entailed to a male heir. Mr. and Mrs. Bennet assumed that of the children they had at least one would be a boy, however ironically they had only girls. This put an obvious stress on their relationship because they had to now worry about marrying off their daughters to ensure a roof over their heads once Mr. Bennet passed. Mr. Bennet always wished that he would be better able to take care of his family. “Mr. Bennet had very often wished…that instead of spending his whole income, he had laid by an annual sum for the better provision of his children, and his wife, if she survived him.” His dedication to his family shows how strong the Bennet’s relationship is.

 

-Moriah Alten Flagg

Dating Advice

Even though the relationship between Lizzy and Mr. Collins doesn't have much to look for in a successful relationship, there are still multiple things to learn from their failure. We can take bits and pieces of their short relationship and turn it into excellent advice for people dating in today's world.

Their relationship only consisted of the proposal of marriage, in today's modern dating scene, this would never happen. It is simply unheard of a man proposing to woman after just meeting each other a few days before. Mr. Collins got ahead of himself and skipped multiple steps that lead to a successful relationship. A relationship has a much better chance of success if the couple grows more naturally. Naturally, a relationship is going to take time, you need to take things slow. Before one can become engaged, you must really know the person to whom you might be sharing the rest of your life with. There is no need to rush things, because if a relationship is meant to be, it will be.

Another thing we can take from their proposal is to be married for the right reasons. In modern society, women can hold their own and can be successful without the help of a male figure. In Mr. Collins proposal, he mentioned more of the practicalities of their relationship; money, owning their estate, etc. He failed to successfully bring up the happiness and actual love that would come about from these two coming together. He did attempt to mention his "violent love", but he followed up with that by mentioning the death of her parents, least to say it was an awkward proposal. What we can take from this though is simple. Marry someone for the right reasons, and it will bring mutual happiness. When you meet someone and start to date, you learn the pros and cons of that person, you learn their little quirks, these little qualities lead you to love the person, or hate them. Once the two in the relationship truly know that they are willing to spend the rest of their lives together, then that is the right time to bring up the idea of marriage. They will marry because they want to, not because they need to.

In Jane Austen's novel, there are so many relationships that we can take and translate into today's society. Even the most unsuccessful relationship she created, such as Lizzy and Mr. Collins, can be taken to learn from their failures. We learn that marriage should be between two people that truly know each other, and both want to spend their lives together. In modern society, this takes time. One cannot simply meet someone and immediately propose, more than likely, this will not be a successful relationship. It is better off to be slow and steady in a relationship, than taking things to quickly.

Creating Your Modern Day Fairytale, Pride and Prejudice Style

    

Although Pride and Prejudice is a work of fiction, Jane Austen's astute observations of relationships during her time are extremely accurate and elegantly portrayed. And although her novel took place a little over 200 years ago, the relationships she depicts are by no means obsolete. Modern day couples and singles in search of a partner can easily pull advice from the relationships she portrays.

     Take Jane and Mr. Bingley for example. They are the 'perfect' couple- both are sweet, charming, beautiful, and completely in love with each other. Their relationship has almost no drama, aside from the fact that outside influences tried to separate them. However, their love was too strong to be extinguished and they rekindled what they had before the separation and eventually wound up living happily ever after. Yes, Jane and Bingley's relationship seems so perfect that it borders on unlikely. However, it does effectively show modern day couples a few important lessons to keep in mind.

     First of all, it shows  that there is a perfect someone out there for everyone. In our modern world, the task of finding a quality boyfriend or girlfriend seems daunting. It seems like it’ll be impossible to find that perfect guy that is respectful and gentlemanly or that perfect girl that stays faithful and isn't high maintenance. Keep looking, ladies and gentlemen! Your perfect match is out there somewhere; it might just take some patience, good judge of character, and a little bit of luck to find them. Jane didn't find her sweetheart until she was twenty-two, which was considered old back in Austen's time. Therefore, don’t expect the love of your life to appear without putting in some serious searching time; they are there, you just have to find them.

      Secondly, it shows us that sometimes, sitting back and waiting is better than going after and chasing. This goes for the ladies in particular. Although Jane didn't have much of a choice, her eventual happiness shows a lot for waiting on that perfect someone to come to you. Ladies- unlike Jane, who had to wait for her father to introduce her to a bachelor, you have the option to chase after a man you are interested in. Yet, when you do that, how often are you regarded as 'clingy' or 'overly attached'? Men are proud creatures, and often times they would rather chase than be chased. So, instead of forcing something that isn't meant to be, let things come as they may and develop at their leisure. Continue to put yourself out there, but don’t rush anything. Do as Jane did and you may get rewarded.

      Thirdly, and most importantly, Jane and Bingley's relationship emphasizes the importance of open communication and expression of feelings. The whole reason why the two were split up was because Bingley's best friend, Darcy, thought that Jane had no interest in Bingley. The only reason why he thought this was because Jane was extremely reserved in the expression of her feelings. She didn't reveal to anyone how much she truly liked him, and it almost cost her. Singles searching for a romantic partner, take this as a warning. If you see someone is interested in you, and you are interested in them as well, express that interest. Don't play hard to get and don't be aloof, because  it could cost you a really wonderful relationship. Besides, the best way to maintain a healthy relationship in the first place is to keep open lines of communication and share your feelings with one another; it prevents miscommunications and keeps toxic emotions from building inside of you. 

      Lastly, Jane and Bingley's relationship serves as a warning to all the friends out there: do not get mixed up into your friend's romantic endeavors! Just as Darcy almost destroyed Jane and Bingley's beautiful relationship, you can ruin one just as effectively, if not more so, if you get involved. If it's meant to be, the two will figure it out on their own. A relationship is for two people. It is not yours, it is theirs. Do not meddle, because more often than not, you will do more harm than good.

In the future, if you ever want some quality dating advice, instead of turning to a glossy magazine, open up a Jane Austen novel. You'll find exactly the kind of help you need.

Dating Advice-- Charlotte and Mr. Collins

     All throughout Austen's novel, relationships failed and succeeded, all at their own rates, and in their own ways. Some progressed much too quickly, while others blossomed over a longer period of time. Either way it's looked at though, the relationships had pros and cons. Mr. Collins and Charlotte moved into their marriage rather abruptly, and this in and of itself has some lessons for modern day singles to learn from.
     In the 21st century, it's a lot more 'normal' or 'accepted' to jump into a marriage quicker than one would back in Austen's times. In some regards, this is a great thing because it gives you more courage. One just thinks to themselves that it can't hurt, so why not go for it. This could end really well and turn into the biggest surprise of your life. The forever talked about love at first sight plays a key role in this. If you really believe in love at first sight, then you should just go for it, it could make you eternally happy. This wasn't the case for Charlotte and Collins however, they just rushed into the marriage because of financial reasons and to ensure a secure future.
     Unfortunately, a lot of people find themselves marrying for financial reasons in modern times as well. Although it may seem like the couple is in love and that's why they're marrying, they may find that that's not the reason down the road. My advice for you out there who find themselves in this sticky situation, is to see if you can look past the money and the happy future. This happy future that you have seemly procured for yourself may not be so happy. Marrying for money often supplies a sense false of happiness and fulfillment because you don't think about the long term, only the short term. Charlotte and Collins for example, rushed into their marriage for money, but even Charlotte told Lizzy that she wasn't marrying for love; that was the least of her concerns.
     The last question that arises from Charlotte's and Collins' relationship, is how much should you know about your significant other before you commit to them? Sure in today's times, if you find out some dark secret that you don't like about your husband or wife, many people will just divorce them and call it a day. However in the 19th century, divorce wasn't common or accepted. If you ended up marrying someone you despised, most of the time you just had to suck it up, because your marriage was a business deal first. I believe that today people need to get to know nearly everything about their significant other. They have to not only be in love with everything that's good in them, but also in their bad, and ugly and accept all that they are. Being friends, family, and a soulmate is what is expected in a marriage, and if you don't get to know them before hand, you could find yourself in a miserable marriage.

Dating Advice - Elizabeth and Darcy

Although the dating scene has changed considerably since the time of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, the advice it offers regarding relationships can still be applied today. We can learn how to meet someone and the methods of getting to know an individual, as well as how to measure the progress of a relationship.

While some of the advice may not translate well over time, it remains valuable information worth learning. The main method of meeting a spouse in the time of Pride and Prejudice was through balls, where dozens of singles would dance, hoping to find their perfect match. While Elizabeth and Darcy did first meet at a ball, it was anything but love-at-first-sight. In fact, it was the opposite as Elizabeth overheard Darcy insulting her. The all-important balls have eroded and been replaced with the internet, which has numerous dating websites. More and more singles in today’s world turn to dating websites to do the work of finding a perfect match for them. Dancing in fancy, elegant clothes has been replaced with meeting someone via computer from home. After meeting a potential partner at a ball, it was customary to introduce that partner to one’s family over dinner. Elizabeth and Darcy differed from other singles in that they never dined with each other’s families in the quest of marriage. They learned about each other through more casual meetings letters, which can be equated with the typed text on the internet of today. The written word can reveal much about an individual. Darcy used his letter to Elizabeth to clarify facts and set the record straight, but over the internet, facts can be easily manipulated and hide the truth. Although written text can reveal a lot, physical meetings with a potential spouse should play a more significant role. Spending time with someone can reveal much more than any letter or information box. Talking face-to-face is the most important method of getting to know someone, regardless of time period.

Once introduced to an individual, the pace and progress of a relationship is important to consider. In Pride and Prejudice, the length of the dating period had significant differences among different relationships. Some marriages were quick and unexpected, while others took longer than anticipated. The time between first encounter to marriage for Elizabeth and Darcy was much longer than the other relationships of the time, although a significant amount of that time was spend in mutual disdain. Similar differences in the length of time dating can be seen today, from overnight weddings in Las Vegas to relationships that take years to grow. Both time periods exert pressure on a couple to progress the relationship, but taking it slow is much more acceptable today. The speed of the progression of a relationship should be determined mutually amongst the two individuals. While there used to be a rush to marriage, it is accepted for people to take longer in order to learn more about each other. The idea of really getting to know a partner has allowed flexibility for the speed at which a relationship should progress. In the novel, the main factor in taking a relationship to the next level was wealth. This did not hold true for Elizabeth and Darcy because she held him in contempt in the beginning, despite his enormous wealth. Today, money is only one factor considered for the growth of a relationship. So many factors come into play, like an individual’s character, personality, and common interests. The decision to take a relationship to the next level should come from all the factors of today because they encompass much more than just the financial situation of an individual. The relationship between Elizabeth and Darcy offers plenty of advice for floundering singles in the 21^st century.

Miss Bingley and Darcy- Dating Advice

                Even though Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice was written over 200 years ago, the characters and relationships still demonstrate many common mistakes and flaws made by and present in today’s singles. The relationship between Miss Bingley and Darcy is a perfect example of a failed relationship due to “being clingy” and “trying too hard.” Many singles nowadays push as hard as they can to find a partner, which ultimately backfires in their face. Taking the relationship, and lack of one, between Miss Bingley and Darcy into consideration, there are a few things that singles today can learn.

                One of the biggest issues in Miss Bingley and Darcy’s relationship is Miss Bingley’s obsessive and “clingy” nature towards Darcy. Miss Bingley consistently tries to get the attention of Darcy by either complimenting him or making rude and snide remarks about Elizabeth. While the first of the two isn’t bad in moderation, the latter is unacceptable and should not be done in attempt to get the attention of someone you admire. By making comments regarding the person whom they may be interested in you actually reveal more about yourself than the person you are criticizing. You’re revealing yourself to be very jealous and spiteful, which frankly no one wants in a partner. By pointing out the negativity and flaws of the other person you may cause the person you’re interested in to pull away from you even more. While complimenting someone can be a positive and successful way to show someone you’re interested in them, it should only be done in moderation. Constantly complimenting someone can eventually lead to them being annoyed and pushing away from you. For example, Miss Bingley’s constant complimenting of Mr. Darcy is not always received well and is often dismissed.

                Another issue that many singles face is knowing when enough is enough. Many people who are single and desperate for a companion push too hard and do not give the other person space to breathe. It’s important that when you are trying to begin a romantic relationship that you move at a pace which both people are comfortable with. It’s quite clear in the novel that Miss Bingley’s feelings are romantic while Darcy’s are not. If this is the case then it is better for you to back away rather than continuing to pursue this person who may not see you in a romantic light. The constant pestering and pushing may lead this person to resent you, which takes away the chance of a romantic relationship AND friendship. It is important that you can come to a middle point where you are showing that you are interested; however you aren’t being too forward or throwing yourself at someone.

We can assume that Darcy and Miss Bingley have known each other for a long time through Darcy’s friendship with her brother. While this is still a good way to meet people today, through mutual friends, there are many other options in today’s world. In Austen’s time going to balls was one of the only forms of social outings and gatherings. In today’s world we are free to go where ever we want and therefore have many more options in the dating field.  In addition to going out and meeting someone face to face, we can also meet someone via the internet and develop a relationship that way. The many options that are offered in today’s society make it a lot easier to find someone who is “right” for you and with whom you can create a strong and long lasting bond.

Do’s and Don’ts of Parenting

     As parent, there are the days of your son or daughter learning to walk and playing with innocent toys. Now they are growing up and venturing of into the dangerous work of dating. Being their guidance into this new magical world, there are some do’s and don’ts that I strongly suggest parents follow. Along with the parenting techniques of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet from the Pride and Prejudice, I (a very successful bachelor) will lead you, the reader, towards the goals of because the most “chill” and comfortable parents a child could ask for.

      Looking for someone that you are comfortable is always successful for any single (male or female). “Why don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” some parents will ask their young bachelor. In Mrs. Bennet’s case, it is more like “where is your husband?” She constantly is pushing her daughters into the arms of man, who in most cases, they were not “the one” her daughters were looking for. The whole boyfriend/girlfriend topic is a sensitive one for any single because deep down they want someone to love even if they say they don’t. My advice is to lay back and let them try to find people on their own. They probably would rather go to their friends to try to be set-up with one of their friend’s friends (confusing), before they come to their parents for advice. It is a pride thing. To contrast though, if your son/daughter is completely anti-social and is really struggling with making friends in general, then a nudge in the right direction is not a bad thing.

      Along with letting your child go out on their own, is that you, as a parent, have to resist the urge to hold them back. I understand you do not want them to be in a dangerous place but there needs to be some sort of trust, like the Bennets did for their daughters. They allow their daughters to go into town to see the soldier and a potential relationship starts from allowing that (Elizabeth and Wickham). I understand it crash and burns but she meets somebody, and that’s a start for anybody. By going out into the world and meeting somebody face-to-face, the parents need to trust their child. Otherwise, they cannot meet someone if they are chained to their desk at home.

    Finally, there is the embarrassment of your child. It may be accident but to the child, it does not matter. If you embarrass them in anyway, it is your fault and trust me, you will pay the price. Reframe from baby pictures of any type, home videos, past stories and, most importantly, information that only your family should know about. (you know what I am talking about). I understand that in Pride and Prejudice there were no pictures or videos but in terms of verbal embarrassment, only speak about positive kind traits of your child. Unlike Mrs. Bennet, do not brag about your child, but if asked or if appropriate, then comment on them. Another important thing to touch upon when speaking of embarrassment is to say only positive comments about whomever your child “likes”. Do not discourage them with hurtful comments. They like who they like and as parents that has to be a compromise. (unless under extreme circumstances)

     I hope my advice is helpful and instructive. I strongly advise you as parents to follow. As Taylor Swift says “We are never never never getting back together…Like ever” so do not be the reason for the breakup. Happy parenting!

Dating Tips - Lydia & Wickham

            Believe it or not, one can learn a lot about dating by reading Pride and Prejudice. Although we no longer have social events such as balls or are forced into arranged marriages, the fundamentals that can be taken from the several relationships in Austen’s novel can significantly increase your chances of maintaining a healthy relationship with your significant other. For example, the marriage between Lydia and Wickham is the epitome of how not to have a successful and healthy relationship.

            One of the most crucial aspects of a successful relationship is communication. It is essential to be able to get to know someone before you commit to having a serious relationship with them. Often times people are blinded by what they mistakenly believe is “true love” when, in fact, it is simply lust. From that moment on they only hear what they want to hear and spend most of their time engaging in intimate activities. All of this hinders communication and ultimately, after things start to settle, both parties in the relationship discover some incurable flaw about each other. However, by this time, things have become too serious.  In this case, the relationship ends in either a painful breakup or continues on a road to nowhere; slowly weakening on its way there. Therefore, it is necessary to have strong communication before you commit to a serious relationship. By communicating more effectively, you can determine if the person you are interested in shares some of the same passions as you. You can figure out what you share in common and what you utterly disagree on. From there, you can take an informative decision as to whether or not it is smart to commit to the relationship.

            I addition to communication, another important aspect for having a successful relationship is pacing. It is vital to not be too spontaneous even if it sometimes spices things up. The key is to maintain a steady pace and not rush into something that may seem exciting and obvious at a glance. You may end up doing something that you will most likely regret in the future. Both you and your partner need to be on the same page. Meaning that you need to figure out what you want from the relationship. You then need to see if your partner wants the same thing that you do. Finally, you need to let the relationship progress at a pace which you and your partner feel are comfortable. The bottom line is to not impulsive and too spontaneous.

            The marriage between Lydia and Wickham fails to meet the aspects of a successful relationship that are mentioned above. Just like many relationships today, their relationship is sprung from pure lust and empty desire. Wickham never intended to marry Lydia, but he changed his mind after Darcy bribed him by paying off his debt. This is an example of a common communication issue. Both partners did not agree on what they wanted from the relationship. The relationship was rushed, and Lydia and Wickham got married. Although initially things may have seemed alright, sooner or later Lydia would realize that she is not  happy with Wickham. She would come to understand all the mistakes she could have avoided if she had not been so impulsive spontaneous.

Dating Tips

All the single people out there can take a lot from the novel Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth’s “relationship” or acquaintance with Mr. Wickham can be used to uncover some basic dating tips that may be useful to modern singles. Although their relationship was not one that is appreciable, we can still take away many tips from this acquaintance. (Please note that the following tips are coming from someone who has never been in a relationship and thus may be rendered inaccurate and/or false by those with more experience.)

One of the many tips that this relationship brings about is to not judge a person too quickly. If you judge a book by its cover, you’ll probably end up never reading another book because you’re too lazy to read the first chapter. Likewise, you can make your initial judgments about a person, but make sure that you know more about the person you want to get serious with. The person you see as amazing now might be hiding something, as Wickham did, to show you that he/she is a better person. You want to make sure the person you are going to “get down” with is not a serial killer or someone charged with armed robbery. Although Wickham was never charged with armed robbery, his behavior with Darcy can be compared to such actions because he was hiding it from Elizabeth. Not being able to express who you truly are is a big factor in terms of whether you should take a relationship to the next level. If you feel that you are comfortable with this person and seem to like-like them, then you will be able to take it to the next level. This brings me to my second tip: Do not rush things!

Maybe you’re on your way to making that decision of getting serious with this person and that he or she is “the one.” If so, make sure you don’t mess things up. What this means is that, make sure you are not being pushy or trying to get the relationship to develop faster. If the relationship is meant to be, it will happen on its own. This is not to say that you cannot help it move along, but try to do so at a pace that you and your partner are comfortable with. Elizabeth was trying to get into the relationship with Wickham quite quickly, without considering the situation at hand or his background, as I stated above. Back then, it was necessary for women to be pushy because their life depended on it. The good thing that happened to Elizabeth was she had a caring community that was looking out for her and was able to warn her about the dangers surrounding Wickham. The main contributor to this act of kindness was Darcy. This leads me to my third tip: the best way to get to know an eligible someone is not solely through a dating site or your smart phone.

Nowadays, people think they are really high-tech with their fancy iPads, tablets, smart phones, etc. But when it comes to dating, one should not solely rely on these pieces of equipment. It is true that these items may help you communicate with an eligible someone, but the cold, hard truth is that you should meet a person face-to-face or else you’ll end up like Manti Te’o. No one wants to be a Manti Te’o. Therefore, get off your lazy buttocks and go to the local Starbucks or bar and get to know that person on a more personal, less robotic level. Elizabeth was forced to meet people face-to-face at balls because otherwise, she would never have met her eligible someone. Dating sites are nice to see who is in the game along with you, but they should never be relied on solely.

With these helpful tips, I hope that you all, along with me, will be able to find an eligible someone in the near future.

Dating Advice: Jane and Bingley

     One of the most successful relationships in the novel Pride and Prejudice is that between Jane and Mr. Bingley.  The positive outcome of their relationship in the novel can translate quite well into advice for modern singles of today’s time. Here are some helpful hints for single people today to meet the loves of their lives just like Jane and Bingley did.

     In Jane and Bingley’s time, the only way for a couple to be introduced was through a mutual connection, in this case through Jane’s father.  I would recommend this to modern-day singles as well.  Because Mr. Bennet had already met Bingley, he is able to convey information about him to Jane.  Jane already knows some things about Bingley before she even meets him, so the relationship had almost started before it began.  This is certainly a positive aspect of a relationship.  It is a good idea to ask a mutual friend for suggestions when looking to find someone you may want to date, because in this case you can learn a little about the other person before you two even meet.  You could also just stalk his or her Facebook or Twitter accounts, but that’s a much creepier way of going about getting to know someone, and this information may not always be accurate. A mutual friend is a source you can trust to give you reliable information to build the foundation for a relationship.

     Once you actually do have the chance to meet the person you’re wishing to enter into a relationship with, keep in mind that looks and first impressions DO matter.  While it has become a popular opinion lately to say that looks do not matter in order to want to be in a relationship with someone, this is actually untrue.  Jane and Bingley prove that the first impression matters quite a bit actually.  At the ball where the two first meet, Bingley chooses to dance with Jane twice while he only dances with all the other girls once each.  His reasoning?  She is the most beautiful girl in the room.  The main reason that he dances with her twice is her appearance.  If Bingley had not decided to dance with Jane twice, their relationship never would have gotten past that first dance, and they would never fall in love the way that they do.  While looks are not the only reason for relationship success, they are one of the main reasons for a relationship to begin – for your interaction with a person to go past the first meeting.  First impressions do matter, and I advise you, if you’re going out with the intent of meeting a significant other, make sure you make a good impression.

     Jane and Bingley’s relationship, while picture-perfect from the start, does have one downfall where hope is almost lost for a relationship at all.  This period of darkness occurs when Bingley goes away to London and stays because Mr. Darcy believes there is no way for a relationship between the two to thrive.  Jane does not successfully convey her feelings  towards Bingley, and so it isn’t clear to him (or his friends).  A lesson you can learn from Jane’s mistakes: always show your feelings towards the other person.  If you don’t show the other person how you feel, he or she can’t exactly read your mind.  There’s no reason for the object of your affection to just assume the strength of your feelings.  As this failure in Jane and Bingley’s relationship shows, no matter how strong your first connection may be, you have to actually tell the other person how you feel in order to make a simple, easy relationship become a serious one.

     Jane and Bingley’s relationship thrives in Pride and Prejudice, and it is actually quite simple for yours to do the same.  All you need to do is follow these simple tips, and I’m sure your relationship will be a success as well.  Good luck, and happy dating!

All the Single Ladies!

While Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice was written over 200 years ago, we can still look to her and her characters for modern dating advice. Take, for instance, the short relationship between Lizzy and Wickham.  Although the two didn’t formally court, they still had a relationship worth reviewing, and learning from.  Here are some helpful tips for not falling under the spell of player.

The first step: meeting the man (or woman) of your dreams.  You may ask yourself where you should start looking for a new relationship.  People try all sorts of methods to meet new men and women, such as “hitting up the club,” or going out for drinks with some friends.  Other people go on online dating websites to find new people.  Unlike the match.com ads may make you believe, the online dating scene isn’t exactly the perfect place to find someone special.  People lie on the internet, there, I said it.  Hopefully the internet doesn’t come crashing down on me.  Some of the best relationships are those that form naturally, from friendships or acquaintanceships.  However, if you’re not able to break out of the friend-zone and really want to meet someone new, try looking around your everyday life.  Lizzy and Wickham meet on the road during a walk to Meryton, and they were formally introduced by Officer Denny, a friend of the Bennets.  This is a prime example of how to meet someone new.  Talk to new people in your surroundings.  Why not go up and talk to that cute guy at your regular coffee shop?  What have you got to lose?  Another great way of meeting new people is through mutual friends.  Go to house warming parties, superbowl parties, Oscar viewings, anything you can.  If the new person has your friend’s approval, it should be a good sign.

…Now what?  Once you have snatched up a new guy or gal in your life, you need to make sure that the relationship is going to last.  After all, we don’t have any time to waste, now do we?  Get to know your new beau by talking to them.  Have some one-on-one time to get to know their likes, interests, ambitions, etc.  However, use caution.  Do not take after Lizzy and blindly believe anything that comes out of your significant other’s mouth.  Get to know them through other people, like their friends and family.  Do some fact checking, and catch up on the gossip.  However, please don’t be rude about it.  Your knight in shining armor may not be all that he seems, but if everything is as it should be, you don’t want to ruin the relationship by insulting him by crossing lines and “spying.”  Another note to the wise, don’t solely rely on their Facebook status updates and their Tweets to get an accurate portrayal of them, because like I said before, people lie on the internet.  While you do your investigating, take the relationship slowly; don’t jump into bed with someone you don’t know yet.  Once you know that you can trust them, and that they are truly a good person, you should then, and only then, take the relationship to the next level.

If you want to have a Lizzy and Darcy relationship, rather than a Lizzy and Wickham catastrophe, please follow these helpful hints.  Once you find a new person that satisfies all of your conditions, and is not a pathological liar, then I sincerely wish you well for your future.

Dating Advice - Jane Austen and the Narrator

         Pride and Prejudice is one of a select few books whose advice outlives its time period. Though we now rarely have arranged marriages, or formal balls, or many of the things prevalent in Victorian England, many of the same issues still plague modern lovers as did then, and Austen's novel gives advice that crosses that gap.
Let's start from the beginning. How can one meet that special someone? It was fairly straightforward in Austen's time; attend a ball held by a local notable, dance with a random person, maybe a share a dinner or two, then BAM! You're engaged. However, this was exactly the type of behavior that Austen decried, and beyond that it's not nearly that simple today. Take Darcy and Elizabeth, the story's main protagonists. They don't even dance at the first ball they meet at, yet they are (apparently) one of the most successful couples by the end of the book. The hidden advice? Keep an open mind. It doesn't really matter how you come across your match; you're bound to meet a wide variety of people in everyday life without even trying, assuming you aren't a sociopathic hermit. You'll never realize you've met the "one" until you are able to look past someone's money or looks or pride or whatever is most prominent (but not necessarily important) about them.
That being said, finding love also requires that you get to know an eligible someone on a deeper than normal level. Again, think of Elizabeth and Darcy. When Elizabeth first meets him, we can clearly see that she loathes him for his apparent arrogance and egotism. However, we need to remember that we only see what the narrator wants us to see. We don't know the full story about Wickham until Darcy explains it, we don't know Darcy's true nature, nor do we know anything except Elizabeth's first impressions. Thus, when we learn the truth, it is intended to be as surprising as it was to Elizabeth. The message? Don't stick with your first impressions unless that someone gives you reason to. It's easiest to get to know someone properly when you don't already have a permanent image of them formulated and concrete in your mind.
Once you think you know someone well enough to create a lasting relationship, the next question is to ask is how quickly you want the relationship to progress. Going hand in hand with that, what should signal that a relationship can progress to the "next level", be that next level marriage or otherwise? The answer is as slowly as you need to, and when you both decide. Again, take Darcy and Elizabeth, who the author must have chosen for a reason. Compare them to Lydia and Mr. Wickham. Both pairs end up married, but Lydia and Wickham are clearly a sexual relationship and nothing more, while Darcy and Elizabeth are much more stable and well matched. Also notice how Lydia's courtship lasted a few weeks at most, while Lizzy's took more than a year. The message? Rushing into a relationship is not a good idea; you simply don't have time to ensure that this person is really who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Remember that Lizzy rejected Darcy on his first attempt, though everything about the relationship was slanted in her favor (other than her own happiness), mostly because she hadn't gotten to know him and didn't love him yet. The lesson? Don't be afraid to turn down advances, and don't be offended if you get turned down yourself. Asking for space isn't an insult, it can actually be a compliment; your significant other has recognized you as a potential long term relationship and wants to make an informed decision about you rather than rush into things and risk messing it up. Furthermore, it should be fairly clear to both members in a relationship when to step it up; if either member is unsure, it's not time. Slow and steady doesn't end in a divorce or violent breakup.
Relationships obviously don't follow any strict set of rules, but that doesn't mean there aren't do's and don'ts. Don't form a premature opinion of someone, but do keep an open mind. Don't rush into a relationship, but do make informed rather than hasty decisions. The situations presented in Pride and Prejudice may seem awkward and out of place in our modern world, but that doesn't decrease the weight of the advice they carry.
     

Lizzy & Collins- Dating Advice

     Lizzy and Collins may have had one of the most unsuccessful relationships you could imagine, there is still a lot to learn from their relationship; even if you do live in the 21st century. One of the most common things that we hear about relationships is to take it slow. Don't just jump into a committed relationship without thinking things through. The problem with Lizzy and Collins relationship was that they didn't have any time to get to know each other! It was only a matter of days before Collins made a proposal of marriage.

     The key to a happy marriage is to know and the love the person that you will spend the rest of your life with. Lizzy barely knew Collins and she certainly didn't love him. They were polar opposites and Lizzy knew that. Collins never stopped talking about himself, so within that small time they were together, Lizzy could barely squeeze in a word of conversation. Back in their day, there were no dates. Instead, there were family dinners and balls where you could meet men and spend time talking to them. In this century, we are lucky to spend as many years as we like getting to know the person that we will marry. Because you have this ability, you should take full advantage of it. Spend time alone getting to know each other and don't forget to let the other person talk. If you always talk about yourself, you'll never get to know the other person.

     Obviously, Lizzy had no interest in Collins, but even if she had, it was still better that she declined his proposal. In his proposal speech, all he talked about was their financial future and how he felt that it was his responsibility to get married. If all someone cares about is how much money you have or how much you will inherit, that's probably a sign to just walk away. In this century, people may not talk about you parents death and inheriting their house when they die, but finances shouldn't be the only reason for any relationship or marriage. A relationship should be based on love, or at the least the happiness between two people. It should not just feel like a responsibility.

     Lizzy and Collins relationship may not have been successful, but you can still learn some lessons from them. Don't let things move too quickly, because you want to know the person you're in a relationship with. Make sure you're not the only one talking. Think about the happiness of both individuals, not just finances. And last but not least, if you don't really love someone, feel free to say no to the relationship like Lizzy did.

Lydia and Wickham- Dating Advice

                The marriage of Lydia and Wickham was the worst example of a relationship during Jane Austen's time as well as during our time. By observing what they do in their relationship, people today can learn the negatives of a spontaneous relationship. Their relationship can be seen as everything not to do when one wants to meet someone and eventually get married.
                When one wants to begin dating, there are many options on how to do so. Everything from online dating to going to a bar is a way to meet people who one could have a potential relationship. The key however, to a successful relationship is first getting to know someone before committing to anything too serious. A serious relationship does not necessarily need to be marriage, it could be simply introducing this person to ones parents, moving in together, or engaging in an intimate relationship This progression of a relationship can occur at any pace but it should be one that is comfortable for both parties. It is important to know what you want from the relationship personally and be able to present it to your significant other. Being able to discuss your individual desires is key for a relationship to be successful. Without communication, the relationship cannot move forward in a manner that is comfortable for both parties.
                A successful relationship can progress at any speed that the couple agrees upon but historically, waiting spans of time for certain milestones can make the relationship more meaningful. By waiting longer, the couple has the ability to become more emotionally synchronized with each other and it can give them time to discuss what they want from a relationship. Some parts of a relationship can be compromised upon to allow it to continue. If one party wants to wait a longer span of time to move in together, if the other party can accept this, the relationship can move forward. There are however, certain aspects that cannot be compromised. For example, if one party wants to have five children before they are thirty-five and the other is not interested in having children at all, the relationship will most likely not be successful because that is a significant part of a relationship. By communicating, one can learn if their significant other has the same future desires as them, and if they do not, they can choose to move on to another relationship is they see it more prudent to do so.
                Lydia and Wickham follow absolutely none of these aforementioned parts to a successful relationship. To compare it to present-day relationships, their marriage most closely resembles a drunken Vegas wedding. There is no thought of the future or consequences and no communication between the two parties. They meet, have a fun day and then run away together, just like couples in Vegas who wake up the next morning regretting what they have done. After the excitement of marriage wears off, Lydia will most likely see the error of her ways and realize that she is not happy with Wickham and if she had communicated with him prior to their elopement, she could have realized it and never married him. By observing the relationship and marriage of Lydia and Wickham, one can learn exactly how to an unsuccessful relationship.

Dating Advice - Wickham/Lydia

Lydia Bennet and George Wickham are not the best role models out there for a healthy and successful marriage. In fact, they arguably have the worst relationship in the novel. However, Lydia and Wickham do come in handy for something. Using their relationship as a guide, I have compiled a list of things NOT to do in order to have a happy marriage. The first point on the list involves meeting a person of interest. To set the relationship off on the right note, take a laid back approach. It is important to keep cool, calm, and collected when you first meet somebody you might like to pursue. You wouldn’t want to scare the other person away or come off as a giggly lunatic. Lydia, on the other hand, shows us the opposite of this. When she first meets Wickham, she is obnoxiously flirtatious, giddy, and immature. A good rule of thumb to prevent an unsuccessful first meeting is if you think your behavior is in anyway similar to something Lydia would do or say, DON’T DO IT. Steering clear of childish behavior and staying collected will surely push you and your potential significant other in the right direction. The second point on the list involves getting to know a person of interest. Assuming your first meeting went well, you now have opened the door for the most exciting part of a new relationship. Take advantage of this opportunity to really get to know the person of interest on an emotional and personal level. Spend time together just hanging out, and ask questions that will give you a good sense of who that person really is. Some topics that should be of interest to you are: Does he/she have a job? Does he/she want a family? Does he/she share the same moral beliefs as you do? Lydia provides an excellent example of what NOT to worry too much about in a person of interest. She focused heavily on these topics: Is he good looking? Is he a soldier? Is he good looking? Does he wear a red coat? Is he good looking? …and so on. These priorities left Lydia in a relationship with someone she was enthralled with. However, had she taken the time to really get to know Wickham she would have discovered he is a lying, greedy man with no conscience. Make sure you are confident in who your significant other is as a person before taking that next step in the relationship. In order to successfully accomplish this task, you must put some time into it. As Lydia and Wickham’s failed relationship proves, you cannot get to know your significant other in the appropriate manner to enter a marriage with them in a short amount of time. Although every couple is different, a general rule is to wait one year before becoming engaged. If the relationship is going well and you still have strong feelings for each other after one year, your relationship has a good chance of thriving in marriage. However, time is not the only factor that contributes to the huge decision of entering into marriage. This leads me to my third and final point. There are many small details that must be aligned before you and your significant other take that step, including financial interests. Despite these smaller factors, there is one factor that consumes all others in this decision. Love. If you and your significant other are not in love, your marriage will be a failure. If you don’t have love, you can forget about everything else. Lydia and Wickham enter into a loveless marriage, and this marriage leads them to an unfulfilling life. Out of all the mistakes Lydia makes throughout the novel, this one is her biggest. The consequences of this mistake affect her for her entire life. Although Lydia’s choices in love are so bad they inspired a “what not to do in dating” list, she did get one thing right. Physical attraction is, albeit a small one, a factor in finding the perfect companion. Unfortunately for Wickham and Lydia, Wickham’s good looks will fade and so will their relationship. To prevent a fate similar to theirs, follow this guide and you’ll be on your way to a lifetime of bliss.

 

Singles Take Notice: 19th Century Novels Offer More Than Just Fancy Dialogue

Believe it or not, modern singles can learn quite a bit from Pride and Prejudice. Yes, contemporary dating advice can be drawn from a 19^th century romance novel. Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy are an stellar example of how singles can find “the one”. The tricky part is bringing their relationship dynamics to the 21^st century.

The first advice one can take from Lizzy and Darcy is simple: don’t rush.  No one is simply struck by Cupid’s arrow in real life, and there is no exception in this novel. In fact, it takes almost the entire length of the novel for Lizzy and Darcy to truly discover feelings for each other. Elizabeth and Darcy took the time to get to know each other before rushing into a relationship, and find genuine happiness in one another’s presence because of this. By learning more about one another, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy become more positive of their feelings towards one another.  And think about it, even in the 21^st century, one can see couples are marrying later and later in their lifetimes, and it isn’t just because they are living longer, it’s because they are taking the time to make sure they know who they are meeting down the aisle.

Another piece of advice from Elizabeth and Darcy is to be open-minded.  The classic phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a major player in the dynamics of finding a happy relationship, albeit it isn’t always easy. Elizabeth and Darcy detest one another for their social status and great pride.  Hence Pride and Prejudice. If one only read the first few chapters of the novel, he or she would never expect the characters romantic ending. It took the mortification of each character’s pride to realize who the person under such pretensious or prideful airs actually was. So all modern singles may learn, next time the weird person in the cubicle next to you asks you out for a drink on Friday, don’t just say no.  He or she may have a totally different personality outside the office.

A final piece of advice to all modern singles: Elizabeth and Darcy consider more than just finances when they decide to tie the knot. Though money was one of the most important factors of a marriage in the days of Pride and Prejudice, and continues to be today in unfriendly economics, these two characters consider their love for each other above all to be the most important factor for a marriage. Love and understanding triumphs social class and materialistic desires in this relationship together. This is seen in successful marriages even today. Love provides where money cannot. The advice is simple. Happy relationships are not based on the price of someone's shoes.

Miss Bingley and Darcy- Dating Advice

            As much as readers learn to look upon Miss Bingley's actions with scorn and laugh at her fruitless attempts to catch Darcy's attention, we must remember that she is not the only figure out there who has had such abominable behavior- and let us not just look in literature. There are plentiful people today who share such materialistic desires and malicious actions. There are several lessons to be drawn from this failed relationship, and from these lessons we will now draw some practical advice for today's singles.

            Let us begin with a term more common to today's society- the "friend zone." Miss Bingley would be considered to be in what would be equivalent to today's idea of what a friend zone is- being emotionally trapped as a platonic friend with someone whom you desire to have a relationship with. Miss Bingley presumably has known Darcy since she was young, and they must know each other quite well- but apparently not well enough. Although she wishes to be out of this metaphorical "friend zone," Miss Bingley continues to act in ways that had failed to catch Darcy's attention and admiration before. For example, she continues to gossip about Lizzy with Darcy, hoping to ruin his good opinion of her while knowing that her previous attempts at this sabotage not only presented no results, but irritated Darcy as well. So here is some advice for those in the friend zone out there: if you want to take your relationship to the next level, do NOT continue to act in ways or speak of things that irritate your person of interest. They cannot learn to love you while constantly holding a negative opinion of you, and the relationship will go nowhere.

            On that same note, if the person whom you fancy has an apparent interest in someone else, do NOT try to ruin his or her opinion of that person. To elaborate, do not speak of your negative opinions on them, do not gossip about them, and most importantly, do not be outright rude to that person. Engaging in any of the previous scandalous behaviors will not negatively change the person who you fancy's opinion on him or her, unless if he/ she is incredibly dense or gullible. If anything, engaging in these actions will just make you look desperate and selfish- very undesirable characteristics, as proven in Pride and Prejudice. Not only will the person of your interest have a lowered respect for you, but his or her romantic interest will, in turn, have a lowered opinion of you. Having a good reputation is key in forming a stable, loving relationship, and being known as someone who is selfish and deceiving  does not constitute being a good person. You will be the only one left alone and unhappy in the end- just look at the unfortunate finish to Darcy and Miss Bingley's relationship. Additionally, spending the time you do have together talking about others is not the best way to get to know each other more. I suppose that your romantic interest will get to know the unpleasant side of your personality more, however.

            Some final advice for all of you readers is to just back off. Do NOT be obsessive, and give your person of interest space. If they are just as interested in you as you are in them, they will return some of your kind gestures and seek you out. All of Miss Bingley's actions, ultimately, seem to be tied to her relationship with Darcy.  If she says something, it is either to catch Darcy's attention, to comment on what he is doing, or to belittle Lizzy. Being constantly interested in what your person of interest is doing may come across as being slightly stalker -esque, and will likely irritate and/or unsettle that person. The relationship will likely end much more quickly than it began.  

            With that said, there seems to be no advice to give regarding the positive aspects of this relationship. This may be because there frankly are no positive aspects to the relationship between Miss Bingley and Darcy. Perhaps if she had acted differently, Miss Bingley would hold Darcy's good opinion- if she had been less irritating and obsessive from the beginning, perhaps a relationship between them would have been a possibility. But let us not dwell on the past, and focus on the present and future. In other words, what can (and will) be improved on? With that, we leave this failed relationship, and I wish you all the best of luck avoiding a similar fate. 

Dating Advice

The rules of the dating game have changed quite a bit since the times of Pride and Prejudice. The best way to meet someone these days is through the internet. Dating websites seem to be the popular choice among eligible people these days. However, in order to get to know someone these days, one must go on dates and actually see the person face to face to get to know them. It is probably best that one sees the person in some form of their daily routine in order to truly get to know them. As for how quickly the relationship progresses well that all depends on how quickly each person gets to know the other. Lizzy and Darcy took a while to get to know each other fully, but once they did, their relationship progressed fairly quickly. Although, their relationship progressed far more slowly than some of the other relationships in Pride and Prejudice. However, this is very much like relationships today because some people decide to get married after a month of knowing each other, while others take several years before they are actually ready to make that commitment to one another. In order to take that relationship to the next level it is important that one knows their partner in full and is undoubtedly sure about their feelings for their partner. Some say that initial attraction is fairly important to a relationship, but this is not true in all cases. Lizzy was repulsed by Darcy for quite some time before she actually gave him a chance and Darcy was not overly thrilled with Lizzy either when they first met. However, they grew to love each other once they actually got to know each other and they eventually took their relationship to the next level and got married. So the advice taken from this is to not be quick to discard a chance with someone based on first impressions because sometimes looks are not as they appear and someone’s personality can actually be different than what you think it is. It is also important when getting to know someone to make judgments about the person’s character from your own opinion not from what you hear about them from others. Lizzy heard a lot about Darcy’s character from Mr. Wickham, but almost none of it was true.  As with the internet sometimes things are said about people that aren’t true, so it is hard to make judgments based on false information. So basically the advice to take from this is to get to know someone and base it off your own opinions before you take the next step in a relationship.